How did you come to such a place of ease and love in your life?
I’ve been having a lot of conversations about pursuing passions, desires and creative pursuits. It got me thinking about my own approach — how I’ve embraced a slow and steady, yet gradual approach to my life.
“Things will happen when they happen,” I say. “As long as you put in the work and have the right attitude, it’ll come to you.”
“I don’t chase. I attract.”
I believe we always are where we’re meant to be, and it’s our jobs to embrace the process and accept that we are all works in progress.
“In modesty, we allow things to blossom. We’re not ashamed to admit we’re still in process … There is nothing likable about false pride.”
When I was younger, I so desperately wanted to be somewhere and someone more than I already was. I was chasing the music and shows and artists and actors who were actively living out their passions, eagerly gaining their words of wisdom, advice and encouragement, just to get a taste of it, when I was neglecting to honor my own expression.
Maybe I was scared. Maybe I was fearful. Maybe I‘m just a perfectionist and I wanted to know and think through every step first (but we all know perfectionism is really just rooted out of fear).
But in truth, I just damn well didn’t believe in myself.
What you believe to be true manifests into your life. You may indirectly turn away prospects, opportunities, because “you’re not ready.” And honestly, I’ve always honored that. I think it’s okay. When I didn’t feel 100% about something, a part of me didn’t care. I half-assed my way into it. I wasn’t upset with mediocre results. I would mentally create roadblocks in my head because I felt I wasn’t “ready” or deserving.
I knew I just needed time — to grow, heal, experience, learn and develop.
Getting to this place in my life where I feel calm, peace and acceptance took a lot of inner work. It was through challenging and putting myself through uncomfortable positions and situations where I was met with different parts of myself — parts I needed to strengthen, heal or pay attention to (that could be my moving away from home, always moving cities, changing jobs, changing environments, facing my indecision or aversion/fear of intimate relationships).
I’ve learned that if we want anything in this life, we have to become it first.
So many of us want and wish and yearn for our lives to be something more than it is. Yet, our lives are 100% dictated by what we choose to do and be, so… What are we waiting for? If we want love, embody love. If we want a life of music and art, live it out everyday. If we want peace, exude calmness. And if we want to love our lives, show up and put a little enthusiasm into it!
I think a part of me has always been a little naive and hopelessly optimistic because I’ve always had that freedom. As with anything, we can choose to be happy, upset, ecstatic or sad.
Feelings come and go, and when we allow them to flow through us and not own or have power over us, that’s when we can really wake up.
I am no guide or life coach, but just a girl who has gone through these feelings — those dark and hard places where I so wanted to be someone or somewhere else.
When I learned to just let go, show up for my own life, and be so in love with my life and self through knowing who I am and standing firmly for her, that’s when I found things starting to flow into my life. When I stopped searching, looking, seeking, and found that everything I was ever looking for was already within me, and it was my job to just show up, be present, and just live it? That’s when I really woke up.
And it just took time. It took a couple years of growing up, chasing my inspirations, leaving town, leaving a home and family and friends I love, moving cities, changing environments, being broke to finding work, and always and 100% authentically living in my own name and by my own truth, and honoring the changes I feel when I want to move, leave, or find and pursue something else…
You know yourself best. Trust in it, and in yourself.
I’ve always known I was on a path that was leading me closer and closer to my truth. I’ve always been confident in myself as a passionate, ambitious and eager individual who was seeking to explore and experience so much more. My work ethic was solid. My eagerness was inspiring. My positivity and professionalism was contagious. And I very well knew who I was and am all along, confidently carrying myself through all my experiences, even if I was searching for what it was I was supposed to devote my life’s work to…
Yeah, I’ve done a lot in my young life (ha) and it’s friends who’ve reminded me of just how much I’ve done, when I’ve always approached my life at rapid-speed, eagerly chasing thing after thing, event after event, interview after movie after premiere after event…
I’ve come to this point in my life where I can just slow down and breathe. I can stop my constant hustle and bustle and feeling of discomfort, and I can settle into a routine where my life is a little more slow and more my natural pace. As the world has calmed down, so have we, and we’ve gotten more in touch with what’s real and what we want to make time for.
Tbh, my constant running around and eagerly chasing things have always been a bit of a distraction from my diving into the projects I need to give time and attention to (ha), and perhaps I used my running and hustling as an excuse from the projects I’ve put on the back burner.
But now, as I was always a little shy to show up for myself, I am totally here. I am present. I am showing up for myself — and it shows.
And as for love? Well, if you damn find the love for and in yourself, you sure as hell will find yourself loving that life as well.
“The reason so many people want to be actors is not because they are truly called to the art, but rather because they want so desperately to create something beautiful in their own lives. Show up! Be enthusiastic! Put some energy into the life you’re living now! How will anyone ever be impressed by your starlike quality if you’re waiting to cultivate that quality until you become a star?” (Why Postgrad Has Taught Me To “Return to Love”)
I’ve never been someone who was scared of being alone, and that’s something friends would always take notice of in my life. Being independently on my own is probably my natural way of being, and where I feel I thrive. And sometimes that comfort and confidence in myself can scare potential others away, who maybe don’t quite have that yet in themselves. Yet, I’m only interested in those who can feel and match my energy (I’ve had my days and time with those “unavailable” pursuits, lol).
And honestly, I’ve still got a lot to work on. But I’m happy to be at a place in my life where I feel like I know myself, love myself, and am confident in where I’m going.
The past was all just the dirty work. Now’s time I put the real work to use.
With love and honesty, always,