It’s a strange thing when people come into your life and remind you of the person you used to be, still are, and have the potential to become. Just within the past couple of months, longtime friends, followers and acquaintances have given me their words of encouragement and advice whenever I come at a crossroads. And I think this universe is trying to tell me something.
Whether it’s to leave my stint at the coffee shop because it has become more of a burden than a benefit (it seems to take away precious time to fully focus and hone in on my writing, craft and music from a healthy, energetic standpoint), or to relocate back to Southern California (the land where my deepest friends, connections and longtime mentors are, and where I continually seem to find my “second home”), or to take advantage of the new opportunities that have come before me…
To say the least, I’ve become confused.
- Home doesn’t feel like home. I am convinced my best work and core group of friends or environment isn’t here. I live day to day with the mentality that “this is temporary” and I am “just in passing,” which makes it harder to fully appreciate the current situation.
- Seeking out jobs seems to go nowhere. A recent mentor/employer of mine told me that you have to make people want you instead of need you. There’s a difference between filling a position and actually being in the position you are meant to.
- Do I want to play music? Do I want to be a session guitarist? Do I want to be a songwriter? Or do I want to go back into my writing? Interviewing artists? Covering events? Being a tour journalist? Unleashing new stories? Shining light on the things that matter to me? And more importantly — can I make a career out of that? A living?!
This first year out of college is a messy period of trial-and-error. You figure out what works and what doesn’t; how you act and behave in the “real” world; what things that really matter to you; and where you feel you truly belong.
As fluid and changing as our twenties can be as everything never seems to go as planned, I feel that that is one of the most stressful but beautiful parts of our twenties. Navigating the changing waters is so strange (and it doesn’t help that I’m an indecisive mess), but the only thing that has ever guided me is my will to live genuinely, authentically, and honestly.
So, be honest with what you want. Be genuine with your desires. And be authentic in how you approach things. You may not know the right or wrong decision, but at least make the honest one. (That’s what I tell myself.)
In the words of Eminem: “If you had one shot / Would you capture it or just let it slip? / This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.”
We may never be ready for them, but you might as well dive in.
With love, honesty and the fragile little mess that I truly am,