I think the reason some people want to be with me is because they notice how I’m a little lost. They see me chasing dreams and being happy. They see me doing things on my own, going places on my own, and maybe seeming a little alone, too. Like I have nowhere I belong.
And a part of that is true. I find joy and excitement in my solitary adventures. Mostly because I’ve always been someone so attuned to herself and feelings that I want to surround myself in as many experiences that allow me to feel something. Something that connects me to something larger and bigger than myself. Something that allows me to feel a purity in my heart. Something that speaks to me.
When I’m in places, I always seem a little detached and distant. Like I’m looking forward to another moment. And I’ve realized I’ve always been very present in those single moments that life brings to me.
I live moment to moment.
I don’t really have a home. I have places I love and people who love me and are willing to take me in, but it’s always like I’m searching for more. For something else.
And I think that’s why people want to be with me. They want to give me that home. They want to take me in and make me feel safe. They want to experience life with me.
But the thing is: I am safe. I am happy. And I genuinely enjoy the moments that come to me. I may not know where I belong, but I live for these moments that make me feel full. Those moments that allow me to feel a real connection with myself, with others, with the world.
But as we all know, moments pass and feelings are never static.
These people want to give me a home, and I always want to feel more.
If I always want to feel more, I always have to keep moving. And I’m not sure when and if ever I’ll stop moving.